Pen Pals ...

Man of La Mancha, Senator McDaniel, you certainly don’t sound very Senator-y in your response to the many thousands of Americans who were offended by your comments. If you lived in my house, you would lose your screen time for the rest of the day. Lucky for you, you live in Mississippi! Well, since you were nice enough to write us all back, I figured the least I could do is continue the trend. OMG, I love pen pals! Once I had one in Tel Aviv! I’ll leave my comments below yours.

I'll give you radicals some credit; you have a large number of angry instigators ready for social media action. You've really swarmed this page.

Thanks! FYI, just so you’re prepped, we’re ready for more than social media action. We love all kinds of action. (Not that kind of action! Sheesh! Get your head outta the gutter, Senator!)

Thankfully, 95% of you live outside of MS.

Are you sure about that stat? Check out the Democratic Party’s website in Mississippi. It’s here: http://www.mississippidemocrats.org/ There are a TON of Mississipians who are super pissed about what you had to say. Lots of them have been letting you know all about it. They even have a twitter account (twitter is off the charts popular now cuz the president uses it to let us know when he’s mad at celebrities and politically volatile nations). Anyway, you should check out what some of the people in your state are saying about you on twitter! @MSDEMOCRATS Before you click that link, brace yourself. The democrats in your state pretty much think you’re the worst.

From my perspecitve,

Oopsie! Typo Senator! You can do better than that.

I understand your position. You love free stuff. I get it.

Nope. I don’t think you do. In truth, our position has nothing to do with free stuff! (Although, free gift with purchase during bonus time for Clinique is one of my all time favorite things! Have you ever gotten a Tenderheart lipstick for free? The best!) But no, actually, when it comes to women’s rights, we’re looking for freeDOM. It’s totally different, but I can see where you’d get confused. To clarify for you, in this instance “free” is the base word for “freedom.” We don’t want free stuff, we want free dom. Get it now?

Unfortunately, in your quest for freebies, your so-called "revolution of love" has become little more than intolerant hatred for anyone who disagrees. And that's okay. You have that right.

Whoa Nelly! We don’t call it a “revolution of love.” Where’d you get that? We call it Feminism. (I’ll give you a minute to recover because I know how much that word must get under your skin … ok, I’m gonna keep going now). FYI, if you were playing a game of Opposite Land (which is so fun! Pancakes for dinner!) you would win with your statement re: “intolerant hatred for anyone who disagrees.” A) We don’t hate. That’s too strong a word and our kids aren’t allowed to use it when referring to other people. (You don’t wanna lose your screen time tomorrow too, do you?) B) Our spouses and kids and parents and friends disagree with us all the time and we still love them so much! But, in specific regard to the folks pushing the conservative, right-wing agenda in America, you’re right, we do disagree. We’d love to have a rational conversation about it with you guys. Lemme know if you’re up for it! I’m free Friday morning.

The tragic irony of the #WomensMarch is that most were marching for the "right" to violently end the lives of their unborn, including the lives of little girls.

Hang on, I gotta read that again. Yup. That is what you said. Hey listen, since I’m still in shock that an elected official of my government could say something so desperately vile and insensitive in a public forum, instead of responding to this myself, I’m gonna direct you to this article by my friend, Kelly. http://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/news/a54680/why-i-had-a-late-term-abortion/

Making matters worse, you want us to pay for it even though we find the act of abortion to be morally repugnant. And then, because you love free stuff, you believe we should also pay for your birth control. Is there anything else we can help you with? A free cell phone, perhaps?

I think I cleared up the whole “free” thing earlier, yeah? But since you asked a question I can answer with authority, yes, there are some things you could help us with! Here’s a list: https://static1.squarespace.com/static/584086c7be6594762f5ec56e/t/587ffb20579fb3554668c111/1484782369253/WMW+Guiding+Vision+%26+Definition+of+Principles.pdf

Oh, and since you offered, heck yeah, we’d all love a free cell phone! That’ll be approximately 3,000,000 cell phones. Shipping might get expensive. We’re everywhere.

So no, I don't think we will ever agree. And that's okay, too.

What a stinky attitude. I think it would be better if you were open to dialogue and educated discourse, like Jesus. (I only mention him, because I know how much you say you love him).

I don't want your vote.

OoooooK. Weird thing for a politician to say, but … hey, it’s your name on the ballot, buddy.

So bring it.

I will.

Yell, curse, scream, threaten, and ridicule all you wish. I don't care.

I won’t do any of those things. Because I do care.

It's cute.

There’s nothing cute about any of this, Senator. Cute is like a baby Goldendoodle. This is like a stomach flu where you’re vomiting and having diarrhea at the same time. And it’s the middle of the night and you’re lying on the clammy tile of your bathroom while you look up to the Heavens above and try to negotiate with God. “I’ll do anything to be spared from this horrendous nightmare,” you say. “I’ll even try to have rational debate with Senator Chris McDaniel.”

But I'm not going anywhere. The more you push, the more I will resist. Even if I have to stand alone.

Yeah, about that whole standing alone thing. Martin Niemöller was a Pastor during Hitler’s time. He thought Hitler was the worst. So do the women who marched. Niemöller said something I think you could benefit from:

“First they came for the Socialists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Socialist.

Then they came for the Trade Unionists, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Trade Unionist.

Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—
Because I was not a Jew.

Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

So, stand alone if you want, but historically speaking … bad idea.  

Oh, one more thing: we are going to defund Planned Parenthood and repeal Obamacare.

As my middle school gym teacher always used to tell us, “Pain is Temporary, Pride is Forever.” (Shout out to Mr. Berardi!) See ya’ on the flip side, Senator. You’ll know where to find us. We’ll be the ones standing all together.

Have a good night.

Based on the tone of your post, I’m pretty sure this is sarcastic. So, whatevs.