Monday, January 23, 2017

Dear Senator Chris McDaniel ...





This was what Mississippi Senator, Chris McDaniel had to say about the Women’s March. 
So a group of unhappy liberal women marched in Washington DC. We shouldn't be surprised; almost all liberal women are unhappy. Perhaps there's a correlation.
Nevertheless, I'm fascinated to see them exercise their First Amendment rights (however objectionable the message).
But I do have a question: if they can afford all those piercings, tattoos, body paintings, signs, and plane tickets, then why do they want us to pay for their birth control?
So here is what I have to say to Senator Chris McDaniel:
Dear Senator Chris McDaniel,
I read your post on Facebook today regarding your summation of the Women’s March on Saturday. Thank you for sharing your opinion via social media. It was so easy for me to access your thoughts and gain a sense of what you’re all about. As a U.S. Senator it’s so important that your messaging is clear. Also – side note - shout out to Mississippi! When I was growing up, my girlfriends and I loved to spell Mississippi during a jump rope game we used to play. It was really fun!
I wanted to respond to your post because it seems to me you were misinformed about a few key things, and as a fellow citizen of the United States, I thought I’d give you the real scoop about Saturday’s march so that you’re not accidentally spreading incorrect information. I know one of your areas of concentration as an attorney is in constitutional law and civil rights, so I’m sure the truth is extremely important to you!
First of all, in the first sentence of your post, I noticed you modified the noun “women” with the adjectives unhappy and liberal. You’re 50% correct here. (Don’t you hate getting a 50%? It’s like an F! Sheesh!) I’m a glass half full kind of gal, so let’s focus on the part you got right! Most, if not all, of the women marching on Saturday are totally liberal! So yeah, you’re right. It was a lot of women who identify as liberal.
But, and here’s the part you missed; I’m not sure where you heard that we are unhappy! That’s not right at all. The women who marched were so, super psyched to be exercising their first amendment rights that we cheered, and whooped, and smiled and danced together! Oh my gosh, we all chanted this one cheer that was so fun, I have to tell you about it! We yelled, “We Want a Leader! Not a Creepy Tweeter!” And we laughed, and laughed, and no one even minded the imperfect rhyme! So, don’t worry! We were happy on Saturday!
And, I hate to be a stickler for accuracy, but your very next sentence was also way off the mark. You said “almost all liberal women are unhappy.” I must admit, before responding to you, I did a little research to see if you were an expert on happiness. I thought maybe you’d done studies on happiness, like Harvard Medical School professor and researcher, Robert J. Waldinger who’s currently leading a 75 year long research project on happiness. But you haven’t. Guess what Professor Waldinger found? Whether or not a woman is liberal is actually not a predictor of happiness. Know what is? Healthy relationships! Check it out: https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/inspired-life/wp/2016/03/02/harvard-researchers-discovered-the-one-thing-everyone-needs-for-happier-healthier-lives/?utm_term=.73ed632ca044 I’m not sure if there’s been any research on who has healthier relationships, conservatives or liberals, so I’m not sure if one group is scientifically happier than another. But, I do know that lots and lots of liberal women enjoy wonderfully, healthy relationships with their parents, husbands, wives, children, siblings, friends, and co-workers. So, rest assured, there totally isn’t a correlation between being a liberal woman and being unhappy.
In your second paragraph, you said you were “fascinated to see liberal women exercise their First Amendment rights (however objectionable the message).” Couple things here. First, it can’t be too fascinating, right? Cuz, I know that you know that we all know that liberal women love to exercise their rights! Remember suffragettes?! Totally women exercising their rights! In fact, that’s where some of us got the idea! (By the way, their plan worked! #womenvotenow Exciting, right?)
Regarding the “objectionable message,” I have less to say about this because I’m honestly confused how you could have mistaken this one! Our message was in writing on our website. Maybe you missed it? Here it is:
We stand together in solidarity with our partners and children for the protection of our rights, our safety, our health, and our families - recognizing that our vibrant and diverse communities are the strength of our country.”
I know you’re a lawyer, so you must be a pro at objecting, but for the life of me I can’t figure out what’s objectionable about that mission. Help me out here! What’s your beef?
Ok … so lastly you say this: But I do have a question: if they can afford all those piercings, tattoos, body paintings, signs, and plane tickets, then why do they want us to pay for their birth control?”
Woowee, this one really stumped me on so many levels. But then I realized what must’ve happened to you. And I feel so bad! It seems like the Weirdo Goblin must have whispered some really cockamamie info into your ear while you were sleeping as a prank, and then you woke up and didn’t realize you’d been duped by the Weirdo Goblin! He’s so sneaky! I absolutely hate when he does that to me. Once I woke up and thought my closet door was the kitchen! It was so weird! So, listen, lemme help you out.
First, liberal women, for the most part, are no more pierced or tattooed than the cast and audience of Duck Dynasty. So, let’s just call that like Even Steven for now. Second, no one really spent more than like $1 on their signs. You can buy poster board for $.69 at Target, and we all have markers and stuff at home, so no big expense there. Plane tickets? You have a point, those are expensive. I think some people used their miles? (Starwood Am Ex has a really good plan if you’re interested!) So, this brings me to your final point re: birth control. You’re right, liberal women love birth control! (Here’s a link to The Guttmacher Institute – birth control stats are like what they live for! https://www.guttmacher.org/fact-sheet/contraceptive-use-united-states ) Turns out, scientifically speaking, more than 99% of women aged 15–44 who have ever had sexual intercourse have used at least one contraceptive method. More than 99%! That’s like … everyone! So rest assured, conservative women love birth control too. And liberal women don’t want YOU to pay for it, Senator McDaniel! Silly! They want their health insurance policies to cover it! I hope you don’t confuse that distinction, or you’ll end up spending all your time on hold with frustrated Ob-GYN receptionists! Ha! Anyway, just to clarify, we’d love for ALL women’s birth control to be covered by health insurance policies. It would make it so much easier for the more than 99% of women who use it. And … just to be really transparent, getting birth control covered by our health insurance companies was 1 of many, many, many reasons women marched on Saturday. Believe it or not, getting birth control covered by our health insurance companies fits into a much larger category! (Have you ever played Scattegories? I bet you’d be great at it). 
Guess what the larger category we were all marching about was? Hint: Not piercings. Ok, I’ll tell you. Women’s & Girl’s Rights. Period. (Sorry, I know, you probably hate periods).
Anyway, thanks again for reaching out to women everywhere over Facebook. I’m glad you’re posing questions to us! And good luck in M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I! It’s really just so fun to spell!

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